I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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