He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dick very happy bro
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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