is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
