I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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