Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
