It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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