As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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