grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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