I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
