It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
