pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
