I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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