I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am one with the molecules
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
