could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
