We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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