She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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