he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
