OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
