It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
