I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
