went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
