do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
