I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My balls are so social today.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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