the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
