We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
