hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
try to milk me bitch
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