I'm really into asian looking animals
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's always time for handjobs
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
