i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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