I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
