the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
PANTIES FOUND
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
