God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
