i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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