Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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