if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
