i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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