You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
