He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
