dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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