Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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