I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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