There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
