I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
