We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize