I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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