it hurts more in the daytime
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
