Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
