ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
