You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
