i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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