mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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