atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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