I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
