I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
