Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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