Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just high enough for therapy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
