people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
