My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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