also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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