One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
