I think I am morally bankrupt
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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