Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
