Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
