Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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