I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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