I showed him my bush... on skype.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
