apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
