Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
