His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
