i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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