there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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