Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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