I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
