our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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