went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
