The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
