u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
