Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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