We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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