Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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